An Experiment

Once again, I am looking at the hands of the clock shouting 4am at me and mocking me with it's incessant ticking away of my sleepless hours...work inching closer and closer with every tock.

While lying in bed a few moments ago, I realized I was fretting about how I am going to handle the office coldness tomorrow.  I have to say this to that person, be dismissed by this one, ignored by another...and generally acquiesce to demands upon me that hinder my self worth and can even bring me dangerously close to the edge of self loathing.

And then I realized.  No, I don't!

I just have to get my job done to the best of my ability.  If I didn't let them steal my soul while I was there, maybe I wouldn't have panic attacks at 4am on almost every weekday.

I've lost myself somewhere.  I give it all away and leave nothing of me for me. 

So, I'm going to try an experiment.  Since I am only truly me when I am consistently writing, I have decided that every time I start to get anxious at work and lose my way, I am going to stop and spend 5 minutes writing something...anything that does not have to do with work. 

I am going to start a "Me" diary.

And I'm going to take it even a step further.  After work and before I am allowed to start playing around on Facebook, I am going to write something.  Blog, poem, paragraph...something. 

I can put my self worth back into my own hands.

I'll let you know how it goes.

~peace