What goes on at 4am

Ok, it's now 5:30am, but I woke up at 4.  Usually, I toss and turn and try to convince (or beg) myself to fall back to sleep, but tonight I got up, turned on some music, warmed up my corn pillow to put on my aching shoulder, and wrote out my thoughts. As tired as I am going to be in 6 hours, at this moment I feel peace. I've gotten it off my chest and out into the universe.  This is much better than the panic I normally feel as I count down the minutes of sleep I am losing.

And then I read some old poetry of mine and came across this from shortly after I moved to Nashville years ago.  More years than I can believe.  It's funny how we think we've changed so much, but then again, not really.

3:17 a.m.

it's 3:17 a.m.
sleep was here
but left early.

too much to think about.
too much to feel.

so i turn on the light,
pick up a pen,
and pretend
to ignore the ache in my neck
caused by the ache
at the center of my chest.

there is a sound to the silence around me.
the refrigerator bellows,
floor creaks,
lightswitch snaps,
pen clicks and hums against the page.
but there are no voices.
no need for conversation
at this early hour,
or when you're alone.

my tiny apartment is chilly
at 3:17 a.m.
so i turn up the heat

but the wood beneath my feet
stays cold.

~peace