Honesty is such a lonely word

Honesty is such a lonely word. (~Billy Joel)

I realized today how often I say something that is not entirely true…or hold myself back from saying something that is true.  I do this to a) not be criticized or b) not hurt someone’s feelings.

Now, I certainly never want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  But there are times when someone is saying or doing something so hurtful to me that I can feel my heart splitting in two. I can feel every blood vessel in my body screaming to burst with tears or punches.  I want to spew fire and hurt back.  I will even draw the bow and pull back the arrow of retaliation with full intent to shoot and kill, but

Bite your tongue.

Bite your tongue

Bite your tongue.

And I do.  Even when inside I want to scream “how could you, how could you, how could you?!”

I have issues.  We all do.  But the people I respect the most are those that stand up and say “Yes, I am fucked up…but this is ME…accept it or move on.”  To my dismay, I am not yet one of those people.

However, I am wholly aware of my shortcomings, as, I suspect, are most people of their own. 

So why judge, try to reign over or to make changes that are not yours to make?

Look in the mirror.  Look hard and honestly.  Imagine hurtful words strewn across your brow by someone who does not know you and has not walked in your shoes.  Turn your critical eye on yourself.

If you don’t see it…look a little longer.  And when you finally recognize the bloodied and bruised fossils of those who have unjustly judged you, maybe then you’ll realize.  Maybe we all will.

Don’t allow it…and don’t do it.

This is as much a message to my own self as it is to anyone reading this.

Peace.